breastmilk on my shoulder

I have just spent the last couple of hours…detoxing on the net. I followed one friends blog to the next to the next, and so on. Virtually reconnecting with all my old college group buddies, what i commonly refer to as the “old skool first cov”. Perusing reminded me of my life n the early early twenties, seems like centuries ago. And beyond the great times with friends, celebration, retreats etc. I believe my favorite part of my life then was my passionate pursuit of Christ. I have to admit I miss those days…

With each new stage of my life, dating J, marrying J, having babies with J, I struggle to find what that pursuit should look like. I have been told everything from “the together wife and mom gets all accomplished. Raising godly children, nourishing a healthy marriage, exercise, cooking, cleaning, ministry at church, and most of all maintains a steady strong “quiet time” in the morning” to a new stage like raising kids would bring alternative ways to grow in Christ, in the daily battle/journey of this whole new world. The latter is more of a atypical view from an amazing family member of mine, the former the US church and many in it.

Each one I struggle with immensely, to be brutally honest I haven’t picked up my bible in a few days, before that, a few days, before that a few weeks, maybe months. I long to sit and study, meditate, focus (whats that?), and be moved changed, renewed. But my logic tells me that my shadow in the past can’t go into this realm of my journey. A new one has come. Currently its a sleepy, busy shadow.

As I turn my head to the side and look at pictures of my beautiful children on the wall, I smell sour breast milk on my shoulder from the youngest. I don’t wish I were back in the college days, no not at all! But i do hope that this days shadow can venture a little deeper into the heart of My God than it has been in a little while…


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