dwelling on the past

I know I have alot to catch up on here, so many pictures, thoughts and memories to share. But i stumbled across my friends recent blog and wanted to get it down before it was completely out of my head. I was reading this from my friends blog and it got me to thinking about Nostalgia myself. I guess I haven’t resolved all my thoughts but I have come to some conclusions.

One of the things I learned in my Perceptions course, on how our senses relate to psychology, was that Music and Smells are the two strongest triggers for our memories. When I found myself “back” in those moments, often times I would wish that I was there again, that my life would rewind, and stay there. But as I have worked through those feelings of “grief” I have found myself in a new place. Not just a new place in time but a new place in perspective. I totally sympathize with Jeremy about remembering those times as the best times. So much energy, desire to learn, free time, and freedom. I have often wondered if I had known what the shift in life stages had in store for me, getting married and having children, would I have chose the same? or would i simmer in that stage and all its glory? Not that I would make a different choice in who I married or to have children or not. But would i put it off till I was “ready” for the change.

Maybe the process of falling in love is a gift from God in that we are so “swept up ” in the person and the newness that the process itself kind of ushers right into the next stage, without us really seeing what will change. If we could see, maybe we wouldn’t move on.

I have found that marriage and family have definitely taken my free time, energy, and so on. So I am not experiencing the wonder of all those elements combined any longer. But I have come to realize that my life will forever be moving into new stages, and in each stage My spiritual reality will look different as well.

I would say that spiritually my journey is more difficult in this new stage. The accountability of having a sounding board for your true self, in a husband. The new ‘issues” that you have to learn to work on together. The time investing in this new relationship to keep it healthy, these all vye for your time and energy. Changing the relationship with you and God. Children showing you even more that you are not perfect, in fact impatient, sometimes angry, and even hypocritical. At this point my relationship with God is built less on feelings and “highs” and more on knowledge of God and His promises. It is definitely refining me on a faster track than before.

And I have come to love this stage, I am becoming who I was created to be much faster than before. My faith is growing on a deeper level because I am not relying on my feelings to guide my progress. I am having to rely on God’s promises and actually make my theology my reality.

So, is it ok to wish for times past? or just enjoy the sweetness of them? can we fully enjoy the present when we are still grieving over the past? Jesus mourned change, even when he had the power to keep the “change” away.

Anyways… interesting topic, thanks Jeromy.

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3 thoughts on “dwelling on the past

  1. >Hey you!I just read you blogs and thought that I should tell you that I so thoroughly enjoy them all. You should seriously consider becoming a writer; you definitely have the gift. I haven’t posted any pics or written on our blog in a month because I keep thinking “What for? No one is checking because I have a total of like 3 comments since I’ve started the blog.” But, I decided to keep on doing it because it’s almost like a family journal. I don’t know how long the internet will be around, but I’m assuming that whatever I write or post will always be there. It will be fun to go back and read what I wrote, say, 5 years ago. Besides, I also assume that people probably DO check my blogs but don’t leave comments because they’re too busy or their internet connetction is slow, or whatever.OH, and I love your life mission statement. I had one but don’t know it by heart. I guess I should get on that. See? You soooooooo encourage others, and I really admire that. You’re Sacramento’s mini-Beth Moore.Anyways, before this gets way too long I just want to tell you that I enjoy all that you write and looking at your gorgeous kiddos…even if I don’t leave comments.Lots of love all around.Dani.P.S. We’re coming to Sac at end of this month and will probably visit First Cov. But you’ll probably be on your mission’s trip. Next time!

  2. >I like this post, Heidi. I can relate to it quite a bit. I think I am getting to that place where I am enjoying where God has me in life and understanding that all that I have been mourning from what use to be is what has helped in where I am now. Thanks for those thoughts.

  3. >Thanks for sharing your thoughts and perspective on what I wrote. I will probably need to think about what you wrote and how it applies to my life a little more. However, the one thing that really stuck out to me is how much my faith or enthusiam for things in life depends on my feelings. I need to fall back more on God and his promises. At least in this moment, I am learning how to do so. I will continue to ponder and think about what you wrote and go deeper into this to figure out what it means for me. Thanks!

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