My Church

Since the miscarriage I have had a hard time being in church on Sunday’s and Tuesday’s. I would much rather be alone in a coffee shop reading the bible and journaling. So Josiah gave me just that this morning. He took the kids to church and i went to “my church”.

It was exactly what I needed. Instead of feeling like I was missing something or that it just didn’t feel like Sunday, It felt so right for me. I wish I could have that more often in the week.

I journaled about jasmine and all the thoughts and feelings I have had about or because of her, in the last week and half. Then I read Matthew 5.

My prayer in the last few months has been that God would help me to fall so in love with Jesus. That being “a light on hill” wouldn’t have to be an effort but just an outpouring of my relationship with him. I see how losing her was part of that answer. I have never clung to Jesus more than now. I have never been so intimate with Him, than now. and I have never wanted to know him more, than now. I have heard that saying so much. ” if you pray for patience, God will give you something to be patient about, if you pray to be more loving, God will put unlovable people in your life, so you can practice….”. I have found that true in this situation.

So in reading/memorizing Matthew 5,6,7, I came across a section that I was thinking more in depth on today at “my church”.

6 verse 13
you are the salt of the earth. but what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? can you make it useful again? it will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

If you think about table salt in this way, its true. so I (we) am the salt, what does losing my flavor mean? losing my effectiveness? losing my enthusiasm? losing my purpose? what does that look like as a follower of Christ?

It has to be something very serious, because it says that the salt cannot regain its flavor, it is thrown out, worthless.

I used to think that the passage meant losing my saltiness was just not being a good enough example of God’s love to the world. But that is something that can improve, grow. That is not what it’s talking about.

What does this mean?


One thought on “My Church

  1. >Watters-You are so brave to share such raw and real emotions about the loss of your baby. I am so sorry for the sadness and emptiness you are feeling. Taking time alone to be with and search for God is good. Being true to what you are feeling is good too and part of the healing process. Salt is a tricky item. Back in the day the Bible was written, salt was used to flavor but much more so to preserve. Meat was precious and there were no fridges and so salt was necessary to preserve food… without it, food would quickly spoil. So what happens if someone uses salt that is “supposed” to preserve (serve it’s purpose) and then it doesn’t? The purpose is lost and therefore the salt is worthless… as though it had never been used.God has created each and every one of us with a divine purpose. He has written our days from beginning to end. Our main purpose is to glorify God in all we do and spread His word… be His word. If we fail to seek Him and allow Him to use us as HE wants to use us for His kingdom, then we are purposeless and we missed opportunities to be “used” to do great things… not preserve meat, but preserve souls! Salt can preserve but it can also destroy. A smidge of salt in unleavened bread ruins the entire loaf. We can “destroy” as salt when we try and do things our way. We jump into the wrong batter of bread… and can ruin things, miss things, and just flat out miss our purpose. Anyway… the whole idea of salt amazes me… as does the timeless examples given in the word that are designed to draw us in to Him… closer and deeper into communion with Him. I pray God showers you with love and peace this week and gives you strength to continue to be real to what you are going through. God wastes NOTHING. HE will bring beauty from ashes in this painful situation and you will be able to serve, love, encourage, and strengthen someone else because of what you are going through AND what you are learning through it. A dear friend had a baby two days ago. It was the first time I’ve had a friend have a baby and it not cause me some sadness in my soul for my inability to have one… I smiled when I realized it and THANKED HIM from the bottom of my soul. Healing will come… the Comforter is with you always.Dawn~

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