Since the miscarriage I have had a hard time being in church on Sunday’s and Tuesday’s. I would much rather be alone in a coffee shop reading the bible and journaling. So Josiah gave me just that this morning. He took the kids to church and i went to “my church”.
It was exactly what I needed. Instead of feeling like I was missing something or that it just didn’t feel like Sunday, It felt so right for me. I wish I could have that more often in the week.
I journaled about jasmine and all the thoughts and feelings I have had about or because of her, in the last week and half. Then I read Matthew 5.
My prayer in the last few months has been that God would help me to fall so in love with Jesus. That being “a light on hill” wouldn’t have to be an effort but just an outpouring of my relationship with him. I see how losing her was part of that answer. I have never clung to Jesus more than now. I have never been so intimate with Him, than now. and I have never wanted to know him more, than now. I have heard that saying so much. ” if you pray for patience, God will give you something to be patient about, if you pray to be more loving, God will put unlovable people in your life, so you can practice….”. I have found that true in this situation.
So in reading/memorizing Matthew 5,6,7, I came across a section that I was thinking more in depth on today at “my church”.
6 verse 13
you are the salt of the earth. but what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? can you make it useful again? it will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.
If you think about table salt in this way, its true. so I (we) am the salt, what does losing my flavor mean? losing my effectiveness? losing my enthusiasm? losing my purpose? what does that look like as a follower of Christ?
It has to be something very serious, because it says that the salt cannot regain its flavor, it is thrown out, worthless.
I used to think that the passage meant losing my saltiness was just not being a good enough example of God’s love to the world. But that is something that can improve, grow. That is not what it’s talking about.
What does this mean?