This last Saturday was an amazing day! I needed to get out of the house so I rented a taxi to take me and all the kids to the park. A friend of mine here in the city who is pregnant and has 2 young boys has also been feeling pent up. So we swung by and picked her up too that’s 3 adults and 6 kids in a lil hatchback car. Isn’t India amazing!
I was just expecting to survive the day. Going out here is exhausting. You can only do it at best, once a day. At least that’s my experience with 4 kids. And usually if I had the freedom in my schedule to go out as much as I want I probably would do it every other day, giving me one day in between to recoup.
But God had surprises for me along the way. When I was just wanting to get out and get back in one day without crying. God wanted me to get out and back laughing with joy and gratitude. And that he did.
About a year ago I was at a all time low. My thoughts of flying home and giving up were regular, Like everyday. Even multiple times a day. Life here is stressful, much more than I ever experienced in the states. Independence is important to me. Life as a mom here greatly limits your independence. Having four, and all the work that comes with that, and homeschooling keeps me home every day. It would take half a day to get out and go grocery shopping with the kids for just a few days of groceries, so Id have to do that about every other day. Who has the time for that, and here, who has the energy? Minus shopping carts and clean isles, who has the patience?
Not me. So Josiah does all our shopping pretty much daily he is bringing home all my grocery and household needs. Which I am very thankful for. But that means I can’t ever have a look for myself what new products there are and just feel the accomplishment of getting my own groceries.
Since having Taron I also haven’t been out to visit many local friends. Or been out with the kids in situations where I can meet new friends. I have been here two years and still don’t have any deep relationships.
One year ago I was wrestling so much with the Lord. I told him that if I didn’t make any local friends that I looked forward to spending time with, that last phrase being the clintcher. Then I was sure I couldn’t stay here. Life was too stressful and I was too lonely for it to be worth it. I feel like it is coming at a cost to my kids and my marriage too. Why pay that cost if I was not even in local relationships? I could do this at home and be a nicer person to be around.
Well its about a year past that point and I haven’t made any new friends. And I am a connector, its EASY for me to make friends. But my life just doesn’t have space for that in the margin.
Saturday we were having a typical mom type picnic. Toddlers running around dumping our buckets of bubbles over. Kids getting muddy and hurt and hot. But I didn’t mind. I was outside enjoying my space and freedom. Just getting us outside was a success.
A group of young ladies who are studying art at the university were there painting on canvases. My kids were visiting with them. And finally there teacher came over and introduced her and her daughter. They were so friendly and sweet. I discovered she lived close to me. They both were taken with the kids. Even though I was distracted here and there, only asking questions in between many demands of mommy-hood. They stayed and chatted. In the conversation at one point they said they wanted me to come to there house. I said I’d love to.
Indian women tend to be shy when it comes to asking for numbers and expressing there interest. So I have gotten in the habit of being more forward and getting contact info before we have to go, so that we can have a chance to meet again. But the Spirit checked me when I went to go ask. So I waited to see if they were serious about wanting me to come. Before leaving, the daughter, who spoke more English came and sat by me and said “We want to see you again, can I get your mobile?”
My heart was wanting to sit and talk and get to know these 2 ladies more. But my attention just couldn’t focus on conversation at all. Its not often I meet women that are gentle and soft spirited that also initiate in relationships. Usually the initiators are also colder and more critical. Which is a hard thing to adjust to in friendships. Or in my case even want to be around. Since I don’t have many friendships, I don’t want the ones I do have to be life draining and hard for me to even work up the motivation to go visit.
This is was all Gods doing, I didn’t even see it coming.
Then after the park we had the Taxi driver drop us at Coffee Day, to get the kids a treat. I decided to let him go and that we would take rickshaws home.
It was my first time on a rickshaw with all 4 kids. Plus a big container of bubble mix and 3 bags full of picnic and park activity stuff. I needed a good massage at the end but I made it!
That was the icing on the cake to me. But not God’s. He had more.
On the ride home a beautiful women in a burka and niqab was smiling through her blackness. Her and her son kept riding past me and smiling and waving to my kids. Finally she just rode right along next to me and we started talking. She wanted me to come to her house and visit her. So she got my number. She seemed bubbly and welcoming.
Interesting that was 3 weeks before I go back to a place I have been longing to be and wondering if my heart will make it back to India, not bitter. e puts He puts two women in my path that I was not looking for. It was not in my own strength.
He has been showing me. I strive. I strive hard. To reach expectations I put on myself. Rediculously high expectations. And I weigh my worth against my performance of these things.
He has been stripping this in me. And yet he does things for me. When I am longing but not asking.
This song I found on my friends blog, has been awesome to me. Go ahead listen.