who’s freaking out?

Naturally your thinking ” sure! she’s over due on her baby coming, she should be entitled to freak out a bit.” But, nope. It’s not me. I am chill.

With the first 3 I was freaking out. At this point I had been freaking out for a whole month. At every contraction, burst of movement, change in my energy, I was thinking ” Is this it?!”

But now, no. Why stress, be on constant alert status? lose sleep? stress your mind out? It’s really not worth it. I know now  that this baby is coming when it wants to come. I can’t force it (unless I use drugs) and regardless of the external signs I can’t predict it either.

But out of the three people I talk to most frequently, 2 are FREAKING OUT. For those of you that know my mom (you’d agree with me) it should be her. She likes to freak about things. But from all appearances on this side of the ocean she is chill too. The 27 emails I have in my email box from her in the last few days are actually NOT “any news? have that baby yet? whats the status?…” instead they are pics of pumkins growing in the garden, beaches they just got back from, other beautiful fall things. Nope,mom’s not freakin out either.

Actually it’s my fellow India resident Devon, and my MIL. Between the two of them and there inquireries it makes me wonder if I SHOULD be freakin out. From Devon’s daily text’s or emails, updating us on which market or mall they are going to today, with the added “casual” question about baby, as if that’s not what prompted the call to begin with, to her almost daily update on her OWN blog about if baby has come or not. When this woman has her first baby, she is going to drive herself nuts that last month. Much like I did with Arwyn. Devon you WILL know, because we can’t go to the hospital without you being in my presence.

Then there is my MIL, which I will give a “little” credit to because they are in the rural parts of Mexico and she is concerned she will miss the news. But really, every other day we recieve an email with a new way to reach them and not so subtle comments that they haven’t heard anything. Then on the off days we get questions popped up on Skype chat. “Any news? anything new in India?…”and so on.

I already have everyone’s numbers on speedial. Have drafted my email to go to all necessary people for when we head to the hospital for labor, with addresses in “To:” box. And even drafted the “we had the baby” email, with fill in the blanks for all the pertinent info. Besides having reassured both parties that they WILL be notified WHEN THE TIME COMES.

But ladies, ladies… the time has not come. It is so ironic that I am enjoying this time. Shopping, candyland,cooking,coloring, reading to chilluns. Nothing is stopping me from staying busy.

NEWS FLASH: at my Dr. appointment tonight she checked me, 2.5 cm dilated. WOW! a whole half a cm in a week and half. When I asked if she would induce me by next Tuesday she said “Why? you are not even due till Saturday the 29th!” So if this baby doesn’t come by 41 weeks I now wouldn’t be induced till Nov. 5. Unless I requested to do so, which I don’t want to. Yes it will be a pain to be in the hospital the night our friends fly in to see us, yes, it will be a pain to have to switch places AGAIN by the 6th, and yes it will be a pain to spend even more money away in room and board and food. BUT forcing things usually doesn’t result in a nice natural delivery. It results in long frustrating, painful ones. I know, I have tried.

SO ladies and gents my due date is now Saturday. I have an appointment Tuesday to get my amniotic fluid checked and baby’s blood flow. Unless we decide otherwise, we wait. But really who is sitting aroud waiting? not me.I have meals to prepare and freeze, shopping to finish, flu shots to get. On second thought this little one needs to give me some more time…

40 weeks: Update

Well, yesterday,the DUE DATE, came and left. Nothing more to report, other than I have a DR. appointment tomorrow night at 7:15. I am sure I will get checked to see how dialated I am and make plans for inducion if nothing happens before Nov 1, 41 weeks.

Baby still moves, hiccups, and kicks. But seems to be just as happy as Vange was in the womb.

We have moved to our final destination, which is great cuz, the kids all are in a different room, and we have  a living room and kitchen to ourselves.


Try to keep all posted, but we are having trouble with the internet connection. I had to use J’s computerfor this post and freeload on an open neighbors connection. My laptop won’t even pick up the connection. So I won’t be doing much on the web, including  skype,emails, and blog.

39 weeks: at the park

Arwyn took this picture this morning at the park down the street that I took them to. I am 39 weeks today and had my Doctor appointment.

Doctor said that I am 2 cm and baby is completely down in position, and it hadn’t been last week. I have about 4 hours a day of contractions about 20 minutes apart. But nothing more. That could last all week.

So I am just keeping myself busy to pass the time. Heart beat was good and we are just waiting. Although she won’t let me go past 41 weeks, which is 2 weeks from today. Hopefully we don’t have to induce. I am waking up alot in the night, not really for potty breaks, just because. I have woken up at 4 ish quite a bit this last week, and then unable to go back to sleep until 6 ish, a half hour or hour b4 the other 3 get up. So I am tired. But good.

God has given me peace about baby and the nuchal cord and I am so grateful for all your prayers and encouragement!

Next update will be in a week, October 25 (official due date), unless baby comes before…

38 week: a mother’s intuition

When we first arrived here last friday I had been noticing that baby wasn’t moving as much as its normal self. Which is ALOT. I woke up 2 mornings in a row at 5 am, not normal for me, and layed awake noticing that baby was not awake at all in an hour stretch, not normal for baby. So I booked and apointment saturday morning to go see the doctor and double check everything was fine.

They did a heart stress test with a simultaneous kick count for 30 minutes and everything came out fine. Dr. checked me and I was dialated 1.6 cm. But because my placenta was low at my 5 month check up she had me come in today for a ultrasound to make sure it had risen up in the last month.

Today. The technician checked baby out and I thought of all the questions I wanted to know. Was babie’s head down? Yup. How much did it weigh? 3.1 kg (6 ish lbs) How is the heart rate? good. Where is the placenta? Up. Then he said “Everything looks good except the cord is wrapped twice around the baby’s neck.


I wasn’t really prepared for that. Afterward I talked to my Doula while we waited for the Dr. to get out of a C-section. She said that it wasn’t alarming news. It was farely common and to remember that baby isn’t breathing air through its windpipe, so it can’t get strangled. The risk that they want to pay attention to is at labor and delivery time monitor babies heart rate and make sure that the cord is long enough to make the stretch journey down the canal with baby without detaching the placenta and tearing or it getting pinched and cutting off the blood flow in the placenta. She seemed not concerned at all, but said to just keep paying attention to baby’s movements.

When the Dr. came in she pretty much said the same thing. It was very possible that it could untangle itself in the next 2 weeks.

Along with constant surrenduring my worried thoughts to the Lord (every 5 minutes or so) I came home and talked to Josiah and started looking up online more info about this. I discovered it is called “nuchal cord” when it is wrapped around a part of baby. It does seem to be quite common with both some alarming stories and positive stories. I found this story, wich also has amazing pictures. I looked around more on this blog and there are some grapic birth pictures, so be warned if you want to take a peek too. Josiah looked up some info too and found that a study was done over the course of 10 years that measured nuchal cord births and regular births, and there was no difference in “mechanical” births and no significant differences in the mortailty rates.

So back to my worried thoughts. I am still struggling with them. Aknowledging to the Lord that I know He made this baby, I know He knows what I can handle, I know that I can trust Him.

But I know that suffering still comes, pain still comes, death , hardship, trials. They all come. I have prayed for life and recieved news of death. I have sat with women who prayed for life and recieved news of death. And right now I am praying for life, beautiful, healthy life. And fearing any news of death.

Do I take matters into my own hands, chuck the natural birth plan and get a C-section to get the baby out now before anything else takes a turn for the worst? Or do I wait? Wait on baby, wait on God. Give my heart some excersise of surrender. Repetitive practice in trust. My sweet Dr. ended all my grilling questions with ” sometimes we just need to have faith, huh?”

As I sat in the rickshaw on the way home I pondered wether she meant faith or trust. Faith is blind trust. Believing in something we do not see. Trust is knowing ones character from your relationship with them enough to not question there goodness. There is so much more to be said about trust and goodness and their relationship with pain and suffering. More to say, more to contemplate. More to wrestle with. And so I wrestle.

And wait. I have another apointment for next week, to check in.

37 weeks

As I lay here in bed and have a strong contraction come on from doing…um… nothing, I am SO glad we decided to leave a week sooner for Delhi so that we didn’t have to resort PLAN B. Which is really a terrible  unwanted plan but not much else you can do about it. What’s plan B?

A neighbor take me in their car to a hospital I have never been to, to deliver a baby with a Doctor I have never met, ALONE. Josiah would have to stay at home with the kids. Since the only babysitters we can trust here are in Delhi in class, Steve and Devon. Then he would still have to go to Delhi right after baby and I come home, leaving me with all 4 right away so he can pick up baby items that we still need. Not so fond of this plan. So we talked and prayed and felt more peace about leaving a week sooner than planned even if it is a bigger expense.

As soon as we decided to leave this coming friday, the 7th, God provided a place to stay for FREE that first week. Then we came across a possible place for the last 2 weeks that is a great deal and really nice, complete with room options so we are not all 6 in one room and a kitchen so we can cook and save money.

Pregnancy has been going great this time around, but it seems my uterus is a bit more sensitive than the other 3 times. EVERY time I bend over, or lift something slightly heavy or walk for more than 5 minutes or stand for more than 20 minutes I get LONG contractions. So I have been quite lazy, trying not to send myself into early labor. Today I am 37 weeks pregant. That is when I had Malachi!!! He came the day I turned 37 weeks, which is technically full term, but still 3 weeks sooner than the due date.

So, (as I have another contraction) I am praying that baby stays put for the next two days. Till I get on that morning train on Friday and get myself to Delhi.

Here is a pic of me bringing out Malachi’s morning monky bread the day of his birthday last week, you can see my belly a little better than the above picture in one of my new “bigger” Salwar suits, since they are baggy.